have you ever loved someone when no one was looking have you ever made yourself whole again with your eyes closed did you find what you were looking for i just can't look i hope you find this stupid and uncomfortable i dare you you will keep reading go ahead and read this out loud to your friends pretend it is a joke pretend you don't remember pretend you are fine pretend i deserve it pretend everything was my fault keep one hand on your heart and the other over your eye skew your vision throw off your perception and find love this is not what i had planned it's killing me i kept all of your plants alive as long as i could i made jokes about forgetting to water them but i always did i always did i always did i always did meanwhile i dreamed it was pretend and woke up next to myself lying to myself i won't water them today i won't water them today but the soil was always wet when the door shut behind me everyone knows this is about you it's always about you if i gave a shit i would align with you on the comet coattails you ride through outer space instead i will rocket past them the only propulsion being me being me being me being me